Dear Fanfiction Writers
by DarkHorseBlueSky
Summary: In which the ROTG characters write "strongly worded letters" to the fanfiction writers. Rated T for the personal paranoia of the constantly paranoid author.
1. Jack

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Get your Mary Sues away from me.

Sincerely, Jack Frost

* * *

**Review if you've got any suggestions...**


	2. Tooth

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

How DARE you portray me as weak, naïve, and oblivious!

I am Queen of the Tooth Fairy armies and will have my REVENGE!

Sincerely, Tooth

* * *

**Wow! Ten reviews in under thirteen hours! This might just be my biggest hit yet!**

**I will update daily.**

**Keep those suggestions flooding in...**


	3. Bunnymund

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

There is nothing going on between me and Jack.

Nor is there anything between me and North.

Or me and Sandy.

Or me and Pitch.

Et cetera.

I am not gay.

Sincerely, Bunnymund

* * *

******Yes, these are meant as jokes. I do not mean to offend anyone.**

******If someone already mentioned something in a review, no need to repeat it (though still review)!**


	4. Sandy

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I understand that not everyone believes in me.

However, I AM NOT INVISIBLE!

I give input too!

Please remember to mention me.

Sincerely, Sandy

* * *

******Reviews are love...**


	5. Pitch

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

WHAT IS THIS "BLACKICE" YOU SPEAK OF?!

Not-so-sincerely, the Master of Fearlings, the Almighty Nightmare King, the Emperor of Night, the Ruler of Shadows, Pitch Black

* * *

******Hehe... yeah ^_^**

******Please check out some of my other stuff! (they're not this short) Reviews welcome! :)**


	6. Jamie

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I asked Jack what BenneFrost was.

After some hesitation, he told me.

Shame on you.

I'm just a kid.

Don't try to pair me or an older version of me with Jack.

Sincerely, the permanently scarred child...

Jamie Bennett

* * *

******I mean no offense by these...I don't hate slash writers, just the slash itself.**

******But the kid's still got a point...**

******Does anyone have any ideas for North? I've only got two!**


	7. North

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I speak in Russian accent.

Not Italian, French, German, or otherwise.

Sincerely, North

* * *

******HAHA! Over fifty reviews! You have no idea how happy I am!**

******So, I update twice in one day! (Just this once... probably)  
**

******P.S. –– I, too, am convicted. I can't write accents to save my life. (Bunny on his accent is next...)**


	8. Bunnymund, Letter 2

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Stop making me sound like a drunken British noblewoman.

I am a bloody AUSTRALIAN.

Sincerely, Bunnymund


	9. Man in the Moon

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I feel no need to turn your annoying Mary Sue into a Guardian for no apparent reason.

I only award positions of spirithood if there is a slot open, because creating an entirely new position requires much mind manipulation of the mortals.

If she saved some little kid from imminent demise, then great for her.

But I feel no need to reward her sacrifice with eternity at the side of a certain winter spirit, no matter how "cute" the "pairing" would be.

Please know that I am not an idiot.

Sincerely, Tsar Lunar

a.k.a. the Man in the Moon

* * *

**I know, a longer one...**


	10. Jack, Letter 2

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I have no Pooka blood in me and will not spontaneously change into one, thus breaking down the species barrier and giving you perfect opportunities for SnowBunny.

Such a concept should be unthinkable.

Sincerely, Jack

* * *

**All of these reviews! I feel so loved! :D**


	11. Tooth, Letter 2

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

It appears that you young writers have been convinced that my tear ducts explode sporadically for no apparent reason.

I DO NOT BREAK DOWN SOBBING EVERY TEN SECONDS!

Sincerely, a substantially annoyed Tooth

* * *

**Ninety reviews, thirty-two faves, thirty-one follows, oh my!**

**I've never felt so popular!**

**Cookie to whoever gets the one hundredth review... :)**


	12. Mrs Claus

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

North and I are legally married.

Stop "pairing" him with other...people.

It is a little known fact that I, too, was once a warrior...

And also have a sword.

Sincerely, Mrs. Claus

* * *

**Oh my Moon! Not just 100 but _110 reviews!_**

**41 favs and 41 follows too!**

**You guys are AWESOME!**

**I made brownies yesterday to celebrate.**

**EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED, FAVORITED, AND/OR FOLLOWED GETS BROWNIES!**

**But one person gets a cookie...**

**A BIG cookie like the kind from Doubletree Hotel...**

**I love Doubletree cookies...**

**The person to drop in the 100th review gets one...**

**That person is...**

**(drumroll please)**

**Mystichawk!  
**

**You get a cookie AND a virtual brownie!**

**(::)**

**Enjoy them!**

**(hey, this note is longer than the letter...**

**I need to start making the letters longer...)**


	13. Jack, Letter 3

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I am not a chick.

I am purely male.

Nor is my name Jace or Jackie or Jacklyn or otherwise.

Sincerely, the MALE Jack Frost

* * *

**I'm a hypocrite. I don't mind Fem!Jack.**

* * *

**And dear Guest Reviewer,**

**No, Mrs. Claus wasn't in Rise of the Guardians.**

**I just had her make a little cameo for this.**

**It would make sense that she's there anyway, wouldn't it?**

**Sincerely, Sky**

* * *

**PLEEEEEASE send in more suggestions if you want this to keep going...I have enough for another week, at least...but they're not that good...**


	14. Pippa

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Why the heck are you guys saying I'm Jack's sister?

I am in no way related to Jackson Overland!

I'm Jamie's friend...you know, that red-haired girl with the white hat and striped scarf?

Sincerely, Pippa

* * *

**I don't know what Jack's sister's name is. Seriously. Nobody really does. So no offense.**

**Until William Joyce tells us, we can make names up. But please just don't use Pippa.**

**(Popular vote says that her name is Mary...just putting that out there.)**


	15. The Mary Sues

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Please stop flaming us!

All we want is a perfect life and Jack (but mostly Jack)!

Sincerely, the Mary Sues

* * *

**Kind of a filler chapter as I try to get my thoughts and all of these brilliant suggestions sorted out...**

**I can't BEE-LEEEVE it! Over 50 favs and 50 follows and 150 reviews!**

**I FEEL SO LOVED!**

**Pretty please check out my other stuff? You won't be disappointed. (But please pardon the excruciatingly long and 90% useless profile...)**


	16. Jamie, Letter 2

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Umm... I don't know what you're talking about!

I don't have a crush on Pippa! Not at all!

Sincerely, Jamie

* * *

**Aww, he's blushing!**

**To Guest reviewer TeamEtharahRules: I know what I am talking about. It appears that you have misread something.**


	17. Pitch, Tirade 2

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

One could say that I am rather pissed off about the multitudes of horrible, repulsive, disgusting, shocking, terrible, appalling, scandalous, outrageous, awful, deplorable, dreadful, unforgivable, embarrassing, pride-damaging, unacceptable fanfictions that have been written about me.

You completely misunderstand me, mortals. I am not weak, gullible, or stupid. Control over fear and darkness is the most POWERFUL sphere of control one could possibly have, and yet you make me seem outright lame and purely evil! Fear is not completely evil! Fear can be good for you! The fear of death is what keeps us all alive! The fear of danger is what keeps us from doing stupid things... usually.

And I would never physically _hurt _a child. You must understand that I am not that evil. I am simply trying to survive in the only way I can, and my attempts of world domination are merely to achieve my one wish! TO BE BELIEVED IN!

And in conclusion, there are some writers, WHO I WILL NOT NAME, who seem intent on causing me the most embarrassment they can regarding my attire, my emotions, my job, and anything else they care to try for. You know who you are. I would just like to say that, to give you a fair chance, I will give you a day to WIPE THESE STORIES OFF THE FACE OF FANFICTION FOREVER, and if you do, I won't give you that many bad dreams.

THIS MEANS ALL OF THOSE BLASTED BLACKICE STORIES! ALL OF THEM!

Yours with the deepest (lack of) respect,

Pitch Black

* * *

**No offense to all y'all reader/writer peoples. Pitch said it, not me.**

**(I love parody Pitch too. Who doesn't? And your guys' stuff is fine. ^_^)**

**Thanks to Mystichawk for this awesome idea.**

**Also I'd like to thank the rest of you epic people who gave me suggestions... I keep losing track, and I forgot to mention you guys in my last ones! I feel so bad. From now on I'll try to mention you. But you know who you are if you've suggested before. Have some cookies! :)**

**(::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::)**

**Also, can the guest reviewer UponACrowsWing log in or sign up please? You're not in trouble; I just need to talk to you dear. Your suggestion was a little...unclear.**

**We can get to 200 reviews this time! I just know it! XD**


	18. Cupid

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I'm a dude.

On top of that, I'm a millennia-old cherub that doesn't even wear a shirt.

Please stop changing my gender, age, and personal preferences, then pairing me with Jack...

SHIPPING IS MY JOB. NOT YOURS.

Sincerely, Cupid

* * *

**Hello dear readers, sorry for the late update. (I really hate parties.)**

**Well, I am proud to say that I have passed the 200 review limit!**

**(And by "proud" I mean "SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF"...)**

**The 200th reviewer is...**

**PippaFrost!  
**

**Congrats and have a cookie! (::)**

**And thanks to everyone else who helped me get to this unthinkable amount...couldn't have done this without you.**

**Also thanks to Vasyl for this idea.**


	19. Pitch Is Back Again

Dear Fanfiction Writers,**  
**

I gave up on the concept of ever fathering children after my soul was corrupted and destroyed.

If you are wondering, I have no children other than Mother Nature.

Specifically, I have no insanely beautiful daughters (or sons for that matter) around Jack's age.

Any such characters are useless to me and must have been created for the purpose of shipping only.

Not-so-sincerely, Pitch

* * *

**Meh...I'm a hypocrite. I love "Pitch's kids" stories too.**

**Thanks to DarkHorseBlueSky for this idea.**

**In other words, thanks to me.**

**Unless someone else mentioned it and I somehow missed it...which is a perfectly reasonable option seeing as even though I read all of your guys' awesome reviews, I have _unreliable_ short term memory...**


	20. Sandy, Letter 2

Dear Fanfiction Writers,**  
**

Just because I'm mute doesn't mean I'm stupid...

Nor am I completely benevolent and gentle.

I am a fierce warrior too, you know.

Sincerely, Sandy

* * *

**Thanks to Adamine Beifong and...um...the other person for this idea.**

**You other person know who you are.**

******Sorry? I lost your request somewhere in the sea of reviews...**

*******hangs head in shame and then goes to sit in the corner***


	21. North, Letter 2

Dear Fanfiction Writers,**  
**

Please, people.

I work with and for the children now; I have taken a vow of sobriety.

Just because I was a drunken bandit in my younger days does not mean I still am.

Sincerely, North

* * *

**Thanks to ObsidianLove for this idea, and also that other person who suggested it earlier that I lost...**

**One more review and we'll have ourselves at the 250 mark!**


	22. Tooth, Letter 3

Dear Fanfiction Writers,**  
**

I am not in love with any of the guys in the gang!

I just like Jack's teeth, okay?

Now stop being so mean!

Sincerely, Tooth

* * *

**Thanks to RizReviewer for this idea.**

**15 more reviews and WE WILL HAVE OURSELVES 300!**


	23. Jack (And His Staff)

Dear Fanfiction Writers,**  
**

It's a staff...

Not a cane, a Shepherd's Crook, or a spear...

Sincerely groaning, Jack

* * *

**YAYZ! 303 REVIEWS, 75 FAVS and 77 FOLLOWS!**

**Happy dance time! :)**

**You all get cookies!**

**(::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::)**

**But the 300th review reward goes to...**

**AliceCullen3!**

**Your reward is a kiss from Edward, who I abducted when I saw your review!**

**Edward: Untie these bonds you fiend!**

**Me: Shut up and kiss my reviewer or I'll poke you with my sharp stick again.**

**Edward: (cowers in fear) Yes, mistress... (puckers up lips)**

**Me: *evil laugh***

**Thank you my lovely readers!**


	24. Jack, Letter 5

Dear Fanfiction Writers,**  
**

I am a _spirit_...

You may also call me an _immortal..._

But not a sprite, pixie, et cetera.

What about me even looks like a pixie? SERIOUSLY?!

Sincerely groaning (yet again), Jack

* * *

**I even read a fic once where he was addressed as an elf... but that's just one.**

**I won't name names, but I will say one thing: that person REALLY needs to polish up on their knowledge of mythological creatures if they think that THAT hot package of coldness is an elf...**

**With the actual little jingle bell toters (the elves, if you don't get that lingo) ALSO being in the movie, I do not even know how such a mix-up is possible.**

**But apparently, it was.**

**Thanks to AnaEl92 for this idea –– only took half of it, but I'll use the other half later in something else.**

**And also to Someone136 for yesterday's...forgot to mention you dear; I was kind of tired. Still am. Dang, I really need to start getting more sleep.**

**I CANNOT BELIEVE WE ARE ALREADY ALMOST TO 350 REVIEWS!**


	25. Sophie, Written by Jamie

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

This is Jamie and I'm writing this out for my little sister Sophie because she's, like, two and can't type yet.

I love Bunny because he's big and fluffy! Fluffy yay!

What? No, I didn't say that. Sophie did. I mean, Bunny's cool and all, but...um...yeah, Sophie likes him.

Big fluffy Bunny!

That was Sophie too.

Sincerely, Jamie and Sophie

* * *

**Okay, this one was really hard for me to write for two reasons: one, I'm super tired because I tested for the fourth tip of my black belt in taekwondo yesterday and then wrapped the day up by walking around Chinatown for hours. (But it was fun –– I got a silver ring from a souvenir shop and a strawberry mousse cake from the Chinese bakery. It was awesome.)**

**Two, I'm probably the biggest SophiexBunny shipper out there. I'm sorry, I can't help it –– the pairing's just too cute NOT to love! :)**

**So I made it one-sided!**

**Thanks to Someone136 for this idea. Don't worry all you other people, I'll get yours...eventually. Dang, I've got a lot of suggestions.**


	26. Sandy, Letter 3 (and the very long AN)

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Me and Pitch?

Oh, please.

That's just desperate.

Just because we are both dreammakers does not mean that we are either lovers or brothers –– I do not know which is more unpleasant, though probably the former.

Sincerely, Sandy

* * *

**Thanks to RizReviewer for this idea.**

**Yes, you can probably see that I am past 400 REVIEWS!**

**ALREADY?! AWESOME!**

**So you're wondering who the 400th reviewer is?  
**

**She said it outright in her review...in fact it was her ENTIRE review...**

**Ivy000!**

**Have a bunch of awesome blueberries!**

**(*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*)**

**I think they're better than cookies –– but if you disagree then you can have this cookie instead (::)**

**Sorry, ObsidianLove. Better luck next time with 500 :)**

* * *

**Yet another thing, which is REALLY IMPORTANT:**

**You have probably all been hearing rumors about a Rise of the Guardians sequel. **

**Well, I can tell you this.**

**They are thinking of NOT making a sequel.**

**...**

**Yes, that's right. No sequel.**

**But there might be hope.**

**(Bunnymund, help us out here...)**

**I would like to direct you to AngelPhoenix422, who has a fic called ATTENTION ALL ROTG FANS! Just look it up. Please. It contains the key to possibly save the potential sequel.**

**Trust me.**

**And thanks for bearing with me through my insanely long AN.**


	27. Bunnymund, Letter 3

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

"Bloody", "hell", and "crap" ––

That's my thing. And mine only.

Tooth would never say any of the above, nor would Jack, North's profanity is in Russian, and do I even have to _mention_ Sandy?

Get your lingo right.

Sincerely, Bunny

* * *

**Thanks to Angel Girl and Miss Wings for this idea.**

* * *

**Okay, so you all know how some people have been writing letters back? Well, that sparked an idea for me. So let me introduce to you "From Fanfiction Writers", by me. You'll find it somewhere underneath that bottomless pit of useless stuff that I call my profile. :)**

* * *

**Another thing: it appears that you poor readers saw nothing beyond, in yesterday's supremely long AN, "no sequel".**

**READ WHAT'S _AFTER_ THAT.**

**Pwease...? n_n**


	28. The Fangirls

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

GIVE US JACK!

WE NEED OUR JACKSON OVERLAND FROST!

KEEP YOUR OC HANDS OFF HIM, HE'S OURS!

Sincerely, the rabid fangirls

* * *

**I know, I'm a hypocrite again... XD**

**Thanks to...um...NO I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THAT SUGGESTION BEFORE I COULD WRITE DOWN WHO GAVE IT! Agh, I HATE it when I do stuff like that!**

**Meh. You know who you are...someone.**

**Well, lesson for you, children. Do not update while sleepy.**


	29. Cupcake

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Hey, punks.

Ever heard of "In Character"?

I am not "nice", nor am I that bully you make me out to be.

I've just got a rough attitude, okay?

Sincerely, Cupcake

* * *

**Thanks to ladybug114 for this idea, and also the other person whose review I lost and also suggested this.**

**Also thanks to Angelia White for YESTERDAY's idea. **

**I really need to keep tabs on all of these suggestions! XP**


	30. Yet Another Victim of the Fangirls

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I have FANGIRLS?!

Why, um, I –– AHHHHHH!

*runs away from crazed, obsessive fangirls*

Sincerely, Pitch

* * *

**I'm one of those fangirls. Who's with me? :)**

**Thanks to Mystichawk for this idea.**

**And no, I'm not showing any favoritism...I pick these randomly and without bias.**


	31. Bunnymund, Letter 4

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

WHAT?!

HOW –– HOW COULD YOU?!

YOU WOULDN'T DARE!

Oh –– don't you be pretending to be all innocent!

"What? I don't know what you're talking about, Mister Bunnymund!"

You KNOW there's a "PitchxBunny" pairing out there!

That's –– just –– revolting!

HOW COULD YOU!

Sincerely, a rather disgusted Bunnymund

* * *

**Thanks to ObsidianLove for this idea.**

**Come on...7 more... XD**


	32. Pitch, Letter 5

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Foolish mortals.

I feel no compulsions to kidnap Jack and torture him simply for the sake of venting my anger.

Just because fear is what keeps me alive (it's called survival, and I have seen mortals do way worse things than giving kids a healthy dose of fear to achieve this thing called survival) and just because I may have a vengeful side –– blame the Fearlings for that –– does not mean I am a senseless, bloodthirsty sadist with a pedophiliac streak.

So please, please stop portraying me as the evil kidnapper...it just so...how do you say...OOC, that's what it is.

Not-so-sincerely, Pitch

* * *

**Thanks to Ivy000 and a bunch of other people's reviews that are buried in the void for this conglomeration of ideas.**

**Okay, so y'all are probably wondering who got the 500th review!**

**It is...**

**MYSTICHAWK!**

**(who keeps stealing everyone's thunder with her weirdly perfect timing...)**

**For you I have a special prize. :)**

**You get...**

**A monthly spa pass and a bar of chocolate! XD**

**(in fine print on spa pass that Sky does not see: Not valid Tuesday through Sunday, spa closed Monday...)**

**Yay for you!**

**Everyone else? You guys can have the awesome virtual brownies I made. Yup, brownies again. I make a lot of brownies.**

**[::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::] [::]**

**Dang...I used to be able to make one for each follower. Seeing as I have 100 followers now (YIPA!) you guys can break one into four pieces, right? I can trust you with being fair...right?**

**(Something tells me that I shouldn't trust you...but whatever.)**

**Enjoy! XD**

* * *

**From the hopeless plugger: Anyone here also in the Percy Jackson fandom? Pwetty please check out and critique my new Nico fanfic? I need critique and the 5 crying reviewers aren't giving me much.**


	33. Everybody

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

We are NOT in high school!

Sincerely, everybody

* * *

**Thanks to the anonymous Guest for this idea, and probably a bunch of other people that I couldn't find.**

**Also, I counted wrong...Pitch's last letter was actually the FIFTH, not the sixth.**

**I'll have to change that...**


	34. This Chapter Is Untitled, Deal With It

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Orchestra AUs?

How does that even make sense?

We're Guardians, not musicians!

I, Bunnymund, am not a conductor.

And I, Jack, am not a violinist...do I look like a violinist to you?

Sincerely, everyone

- with interjections from Bunny and Jack

* * *

**Thanks to RizReviewer for this idea.**

**If you have no idea what I am getting at here with the orchestra AUs, find one and read it!**

**559 reviews, 98 favs, 104 follows...**

**Happy, happy, happy dance!**

**Hahahahahaha! XD**


	35. The Big Four

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

We have no affiliation to each other.

Yes, Jack is the spirit of winter and the Guardian of Fun, but that is pretty much it as for states of spirithood and Guardianship among us.

Sincerely, the Big Four

Otherwise known as Jack Frost, Rapunzel, Merida, and Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III

* * *

**Hey guys, sorry that I didn't update yesterday. I was sick and felt so bad that I didn't even feel like writing, not even something as little as this.**

**Thanks to everyone who suggested this. I kept seeing those suggestions and always thought, "Oh yeah, I'll do that tomorrow" and then completely forgot. I promise that I'll do some on the Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons pairings later. At least, if I can remember. Many things drown in that think tank of mine. (I own that quote, by the way...at least I'm pretty sure that I do.)**


	36. Two of the Four

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

What is this "HIJACK" pairing?!

Gods, you people need to get that these are kids' movies...

Most of the characters are going to be straight, you know that, right?

Sincerely, Hiccup

And, separately but in wary alliance with Hiccup but ONLY for the sake of writing this letter,

Jack

* * *

**Thanks to everyone who suggested Jack and/or Hiccup on the Hijack pairing. I know there were a few of you.**

**And to that person who brought up the point of, yes, they're kids' movies. Most of the characters ARE going to be straight. You know who you are.**

**Now I think I'm just being lazy...**

**Also congrats to winter goddess yuki onna for the 600th review! I can't believe we're there ALREADY!**

**Deja vu... O_O**

**Anywho, you get an honorary hundredth reviewer brownie! [::]**

**All the rest of you...it's JUST for winter goddess...DON'T TAKE IT...**

**Aw, who am I kidding? I know you guys'll take it anyway. XD**


	37. The Involuntarily Shipped Big Four

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Ships that don't exist:

Jackunzel

Jerida

Hijack

Merricup

Meripunzel

Hiccunzel

Sincerely, the highly annoyed and noncomplying "Big Four", once again

* * *

**Sorry if I got some of the ship names wrong.**

**Thanks to everyone for this idea –– I basically took all your requests for pairings and blended them together because I'm lazy and want to get back to reading The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, which I just bought from the library yesterday on my book spree! Who doesn't love book sprees? :)**


	38. Jack on Insanity (His to be Specific)

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Just because I've been alone for three centuries does not mean I'm off my rocker.

Come on guys, look at me in the movie! Do I really look like the kind of guy who would talk to his own echo or make ice sculptures just so I can let my emo thoughts out to them?

I haven't lost my mind yet, mind you.

Sincerely, Jack

* * *

**Hey guys! Sorry for not updating yesterday...we're having our office totally redone and to do that, my dad neered to turn off the computer and shut off our wifi. It's still off, so I'm doing it his on my phone. It's really, really hard; the regular site really hates the iPhone's spellcheck.**

**Thanks to RizReviewer for this suggestion. Sure, Jack, we believe you... XP**


	39. The Man-Dress Guy Is Back Again

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

It is not a DRESS!

It is a ROBE!

And I am not a crossdresser and am NOT GAY...

Sincerely shocked, Pitch

* * *

**Thanks to The One Named MoonLight for this idea.**


	40. Jack, Letter 7

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

WHY DO YOU ABUSE ME SO?!

More correctly, why do you make me abuse MYSELF so?!

I'm the Guardian of Fun, not the Guardian of Angsty Self Harm.

Jack

(I'm not even going to say sincerely! Ha! That'll teach you upstart kids something.)

* * *

**Sure, Jack...sure...**

**Thanks to RandomReviewer (guest) and GuestGirl (yet another guest, I believe...) for this idea.**


	41. Jamie, Letter 3

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I WILL NEVER STOP BELIEVING!

Sincerely, Jamie

* * *

**Thanks to Frosty (Guest) for this idea.**

**Sorry if it's not as funny, which I'm pretty sure it isn't. I just read a horribly sad and depressing PJO Nico angst fic (really, sometimes I think that, besides Percabeth, is the only kind of fic I read in the PJO fandom) called Terminal by HecateA and I'm still crying...I just added it to my favs and OH MY MOON IT'S SO SAD... T_T**

**Ahem. I can't believe I'm over 700 reviews already! But the 700th reviewer award goes to...um...let's see...uh...Guest, who reviewed chapter 1 with just this: XD  
Literally, that's it. Oh well. It's a review. Congrats whoever you are, if you're still here. You get a cookie. (::)**

**Failure to claim the cookie within a deadline of twenty-four hours means that the rabid reviewers will claim it for you...**


	42. Jack, Letter 8

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Give me one good reason why I would spontaneously turn into a toddler.

A GOOD reason, mind you.

Sincerely, Jack

* * *

**Thanks to Daughter Earth 89 for this idea. **

**I'll get to your guys' other ones someday, I promise. Right now my schedule's kinda hectic what with school starting and all so I'm kind of just doing whatever one I find first. **


	43. Pitch, Letter 7 (maybe)

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Fearlings are not the same as Nightmares.

Nightmares are the sand horses, and Fearlings are the demons and shadows that took over my soul, changing me from the noble and brave General of the Golden Army to Pitch Black.

Seriously, I think you should know who this is from.

(Hint hint: it's Sky. Pitch is unconscious; I forced him to watch Disney Channel for five straight hours and he still hasn't recovered.)

* * *

**Thanks to AnaEl92 for this idea. Except for the Disney Channel thing. I couldn't help myself. XP**


	44. Bunnymund, Letter 5

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

By the laws of biology which have not yet been clearly defined due to mortal ignorance, it is physically impossible for one of the male gender, even if this person is an immortal, to become pregnant.

Please stop making Jack have a snow Pooka with me (or whatever it is that you repulsive humans write about).

Too disgusted for other words, Bunnymund

* * *

**Thanks to sugarart for this idea.**

**No offense to all y'all mpreg writers out there...but I'm just sayin'...**


	45. Sandy, Letter 4

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

In my previous life, I was a star. Yes, a star, like the kind that you see in the sky.

Pitch was a mortal. A very strong, noble, brave, and charismatic mortal, but a mortal nonetheless.

When considering this, it might become clear that Pitch and I are NOT brothers, however clever the concept would have been.

Sincerely, Sandy

* * *

**Thanks to ObsidianLove for this idea.**

**Today's the first day of school. Yay. *ultra sarcasm***

**Wish me luck; I'm leaving now...**


	46. North (with a follow-up)

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

The Northern Lights are for emergencies ONLY.

I will not send them out unless I get the deep down, true and pure instinct in my belly that something very, very, VERY bad is going to happen.

Sincerely, North

* * *

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Don't listen to him!

Once he called us here because he got stuck in a chair and couldn't get it off his butt!

Sincerely, the other four Guardians

* * *

**Thanks to Jith for the first letter idea and DarkHorseBlueSky for the follow-up.**

**I honestly have no idea why and/or how I came up with that.**

* * *

**800.**

**Seriously.**

**OVER 800 REVIEWS.**

**I cannot even believe it.**

**Am I looking at it wrong? Is it actually 8 and the other two numbers just an illusion?  
**

**NO NO NO NO NO NO! IT'S NOT! XDDD**

***screams and runs around hyperly***

**Thank you all of you! YOU'RE AWESOME AND I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT!**

**And thanks to AliceCullen3 for the 800th review...didn't I kidnap Edward for you on the 300th?**

**Then it's a good thing I kidnapped Jacob this time.**

**He's still unconscious.**

**Maybe I shouldn't have used the horse tranquilizers...**


	47. Bunnymund, Letter 6

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I am NOT afraid of Abby.

You know, Abby, Jamie's greyhound?

I am E. Aster Bunnymund, the greatest warrior-Pooka of this millenium and the last and the one before that and the one before THAT!

Six foot one, nerves of steel, master of tai chi, third level in the ancient art of Ragusaococ paw-fighting, protector of the time stream, the only rabbit to ever earn a PHD in botany, the savior of the greatest wizard to ever walk the earth, an expert chocolatier...

Why would _I_ be afraid of a _dog?_

Sincerely, Bunnym –– AAAAAIIIII!

OH MY MOON GET THE BLOODY DINGO OFF ME!

_SKY!_

* * *

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I am on the run now.

Don't let him find me.

Sincerely, Sky

P.S. Thanks to Avatar Kyoshi for this idea.

P.P.S. You get what "Ragusaococ" actually is, right?

P.P.P.S. Every time you review, I get another bar of chocolate and the strength to keep running from a very angry Pooka.


	48. Monty

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I am not just the background nerdy guy!

And I am not a coward. How would you react to having your snow day/night ruined when you found the Nightmare King with thousands of Nightmares STARING YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE?!

Nerds have feelings too, you know!

Sincerely, Monty

(yeah, the blond kid with the glasses...)

* * *

**Hey guys, sorry for lack of updates yesterday. I got my phone and laptop privileges revoked for 24 hours cuz I failed to "be responsible".**

**Anywho, yeah. That's my excuse.**

**Only a few people got what Ragusaococ actually was. Lunrav14 and Rose Jennison –– kudos to you guys, who figured out that Ragusaococ is actually "cocoa sugar" put together and spelled backwards... XD**

**Thanks to all those people who suggested Monty. Sorry for the wait guys, I guess I just forgot.**


	49. The Involuntarily Shipped Boogeyman

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Now I am starting to think that you are just messing with me.

BlackIce. MexJack. (Disgusting.)

Dark Chocolate. MexBunny. (Revolting.)

Whatever this pairing is called: MexSandy. (Repulsive.)

And now CAVITY?!

At least I am with a FEMALE, but it is still disgusting, revolting, and repulsive.

Never sincerely, Pitch, whom everyone sees fit to pair with other people for no apparent reason

* * *

**Yeah, yeah, I know I'm a hypocrite again. I just love ToothxPitch... XD**

**Thanks to Nicely Nicely's little sister for this idea. Or at least part of it.**


	50. The Big Five and Sky's Lame Excuse

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

We are Guardians.

We have no time for children.

Er, that is, we have no time to physically reproduce and later care for children.

So we simply don't have any.

Yeah, sorry to disappoint you lemon writers...

Sincerely, the Guardians

(first two lines by North, third by Bunnymund, fourth by Tooth, and fifth by Jack if you couldn't tell...)

* * *

**Thanks to Frost (Guest) for this suggestion.**

**Sorry I didn't update yesterday. It's just been getting really hectic nowadays and I'm REALLY tired and lazy. Like, so busy and so lazy that I don't even have time and/or forget to type a five-liner out. I'll be updating every other day now; I'm sorry to all you guys out there but it's for the best. Really.**

**On a happier note...**

**THANKS TO MUGGLEBORN-DRAGON-RYDER FOR THE 900TH REVIEW AND CONGRATULATIONS TO ME FOR GETTING TO 50 CHAPTERS! XD**

**Would you accept this yummy cookie, Ryder? (::)**


	51. Pitch Is Back And Not Particularly Happy

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON NORTH, EITHER!

I DO NOT LOVE ANY OF THE GUARDIANS!

Not-so-sincerely, Pitch

* * *

**Except for Tooth. Riiiiiight...? XD**

**Thanks to chocykitty for being so smart mouthed as to point this out...**

**Just kidding, dear. You're cool.**

**This is the first time I have ever updated during my lunch break. Yay for me... :P**


	52. Baby Tooth

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I do NOT have a crush on Jack!

He's just a respectable, responsible, charming, beautiful, flawless, perfect...

Er, I mean, uh...just a coworker...

Sincerely, Baby Tooth

* * *

**I am so sorry for not updating. Seriously, I'm sorry. Put the weapons down...**

**No, I'm not short on ideas or something. My ancient clunker computer crashed and I forgot my password when it asked again. And by the time I found the little journal in which I write my passwords, the House of Hades had come out and I had died.**

**I'm still dying a little bit...no, not my Nico...**

***sobs***

**(please no spoilers, though, you who've finished it...I'm not done...)**

**Anywho, I see we're almost at 1000 reviews! :D**

**Yayz for me and for you!**

**Whoever gets the 1000th review (please keep track for me; I'm not ) will have the honor of...**

***drumroll please***

**GETTING A BATCH OF VIRTUAL COOKIES!**

**Woo hoo, right? *sarcasm sarcasm***

**No, seriously. I can't think of a reward.**

**Except for maybe the honor of having the awesome me review one of your stories. Which I definitely will.**

***sigh***

**Sorry, guests. *wince* Please don't hurt me.**

**Thanks to the Guest Amber for this suggestion! Don't know if you're still out there, dear, but I heard you. :)**


	53. Look, It's The Whiny Jack Again!

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Give me one good reason why I would fall in love with multiple spirits and/or humans.

Especially all at the same time.

Sincerely, Jack

* * *

**Don't know about you, but to me, harem fics are just plain weird.**

**Then again, so are a lot of regular OC fics.**

**Well. I have posted early for three reasons:**

**One. I will be going on a school retreat next week so I'll update every day until either Monday or Tuesday, leave you, and then come back Friday-ish and resume my strange sporadic "update-whenever-I-have-time-and-feel-like-it" schedule.**

**No, I will not stick to a regular schedule. I'm still in school, people. I don't spend every second of my day staring at a screen (as we all know I'd love to).**

**Two. I feel as if I should proclaim the fact that NO I WILL NOT GIVE OUT ANY STUPID SPOILERS FOR HOUSE OF HADES! If you're so desperate to find out what in the world I'm so sad about pertaining to Nico di Angelo, just read it yourself.**

**(*cough* it's on the accursed page 292 *cough*)**

**Three.**

**I. Reached. One. Thousand. Reviews.**

***scream***

**THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU people soooooo much! I love y'all!**

**And thank you especially to the beloved guest Ice Queen, who gave the honored 1000th review.**

**As your prize, you get a batch of a dozen cookies! XD**

**(::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) (::)**

**NO ONE ELSE TOUCH THEM! SHE DESERVES THEM! *death glare at other readers***

**As for your _other_ prize, because you do not have an account (to my knowledge) and you do not have a story which I could read and review, I dug deep into the vast recesses of my email inbox and pulled out your single suggestion.**

**Thank you. Thank you all. :)**


	54. Jack Should Really Shut Up Now

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

If you think I, The Master Of Winter, The Ice King, and The Lord Of The Skies, am in any way affiliated with the term "hot",  
then you're screwed.

I will say this once more:

I AM NOT HOT!

I AM COLD!

Sincerely, Jack, once again

* * *

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Don't listen to him.

He's hot.

He is simply unaware of the alternate usage of the word.

Sincerely, Tooth

* * *

**Thanks to the guest Amaryllis for this suggestion.**

**Yes, I know...I'll get the other guys...but right now I'm just picking randomly and there are a LOT of suggestions about Jack.**


	55. The Boogeyman Goes OOC

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

*sigh*

Why?

Why are there so many stories out there in which I, the great and powerful Nightmare King, find someone or something, have to take care of it, and suddenly become one of the good guys?

THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY OF THEM OUT THERE TO READ!

I can't believe it...you care so much about me...

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! SOOOOO CUUUUUTE!

I wuv you now. :)

With hugs and kisses, Pitch Black

* * *

**Thanks to Mystichawk for this suggestion. XD**


	56. The Boogeyman Needs Anger Management

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

STOP MAKING ME OUT OF CHARACTER!

I WAS FORCED TO WRITE THE PREVIOUS LETTER AGAINST MY WILL!

I AM THE INVINCIBLE AND INFALLIBLE NIGHTMARE KING! YOU SHALL MAKE ME BE IN CHARACTER!

Never sincerely, Pitch Black

P.S. That means you _especially_, you "humor", "parody", "crackfic", or "romance" writers...I'm watching you... *death glare*

* * *

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Ignore the stalker.

Sincerely, Sky

* * *

**Thanks to DarkHorseBlueSky for this idea.**

**To the Guest Amaryllis: Of course, that's fine. :)**

**Like my new profile pic?**


	57. The Yetis

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

WE EXIST.

WE HAVE BRAINS.

WE HAVE PERSONALITIES.

PERIOD.

Sincerely, the Yetis

* * *

**Now I'm just being lazy, I think...**

**And caps lock-happy.**

**I'm back early, btw. It was awesome. I went ziplining. It was so cool.**

**Thanks to everyone. :)**


	58. MiM Again

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I am a spirit living on the moon.

I live alone, save my Moonbots and the moon creatures that human scientists have yet to (and never will) discover.

I cannot think of a single woman who would (1) see and believe in me, (2) travel to the moon, _and _(3) love me enough to bear me a daughter who would, hence, fall in love with Jack Frost or whoever you may think of for her to fall in love with.

So please, stop magically producing these insanely beautiful children of mine for the sake of yet another "romance" fic.

Sincerely, the great Tsar Lunar

* * *

**Thanks to XxThe SirenxX for this suggestion.**

**Relax, all y'all. I'll get to yours! I'm just in a snarky mood today and felt like writing this one...**

**To the guest Sherlockian: "Blind!Jack"? Never heard of anything like that...**


	59. Sandy (Finally!)

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

GIVE ME MORE STORIES!

OR I'LL...I'll...I will...um...

You know what, I don't know what I'll do to you.

...

Just please, give me more stories.

*cough and more DFW letters cough*

...

*puppy eyes*

Pwease? :)

Sincerely, Sandy

* * *

**Thanks to Ocbooyah for this idea. Kind of.**

**Well, you said to give Sandy more letters...so I did! And I blended it with an idea of my own...**

**...**

**You know, I need to start getting more sleep.**


	60. The Elves

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

Heehee. We're awesome.

Put us in your stories more.

By the way, we're not stupid.

Or hyper.

Or in love with Jack.

Or stupid.

OH MY MOON! COOKIES! XD

YUUUUMMMMYYYYY!

Sincerely, the elves

* * *

**Thanks to the ninja of Nature, an awesome anon (Guest), PippaFrost, RizReviewer, and REOYYYYYYYCW (Guest) for this blend of ideas.**

* * *

**To those of you who used to follow the once-oh-so-humorous, now-dead ROTG story by the name of "Is Online": ****ObsidianLove is back. :)**

**The first chapter of the new version is on my favorites list...**

**...somewhere.**


	61. The Other Participant Of The Cavity Ship

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

CAVITY?!

Er...um...ahem...I...

Sincerely, Tooth

* * *

**Thanks to some people for this idea. No, that is not someone's actual penname...to my knowledge, at least...**

**Sorry I haven't updated for a while. I tried to edit my profile and my computer crashed. ^-^**

**Does anyone actually read these author's notes?**


	62. The Boogeyman Is Shipped WAY Too Much

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

I...AM..._WHAT?!_

...

You poor souls seem to think that I would like being "paired" with either of the Bennett children.

...

You're all getting nightmares tonight.

Never sincerely, Pitch

* * *

**Thanks to guardianofartbravery for this idea.**


End file.
